高分求大家帮忙看看有没有语法错误！！！！在线等！！！谢谢大家！！！

Question

这个是作文题目：
Some people think that robots are very important for human’s future development. Others, however, think that robots are a dangerous invention that could have negative effects on society.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
这个是我写的作文：
There is a growing tendency these days that robots become an essential feature in many aspects of daily life. Tragically, some people advocate that more and more robots will become disadvantage as soon as a boon.From my point of view, we should develop a proper way to invent robot.
In the first place, there is no denying that robots can make our lives more convenient.Robots can be programmed to provide an endless numble of services, which help people in many areas of life such as modern banking, international communication.The most significant point is that you need not to pay any fee for the robots, besides,in comparison to people, robots have much higher working effeiciency.
However,while there are a lot of advantages on robots, its drawbacks should not be forgottern.With the development of information technology, many hi-tech products and robots are available for modern consumers, so they tend to think science and technology is what life is all about, so they tend to care less and less about the humanities, traditions and histories.In addition, increasing the availablity and quality of the robots would unforturnately lead the higher unemployment rate.In other words, the most worrying aspect is that one day robots can do anything as the human beings do, and there is a currently much debate about how to control the situation.
In conclusion, there is an urgent need for developing a sustainable way to cope with inventing robots.It is certainly believed that robots have positive uses, but we should not ignore its unpleasant side effects.In fact, many people have proposed that we should reduce the production of robots.It is my firm suppose that robots if deliberately used, will help to promote the process of society in the near future.
可以把改后的作文发到我邮箱：[email protected]

非常感谢！！！！

Answer 1

单纯的语法错误稍微有一些，例如 need not to ... 这个是很明显的错误。其他鉴于篇幅原因我不一一列举了。

但是你的主要问题在用词上。很多单词用的不是很恰当，也有些比较老套，比如 less and less，more and more。你想体现你的词汇量是好的，但是应该建立在用词得当的前提下。要是我来照你的思路和句式重写的话，大概有 30% 的词会换掉。要是你采纳我的意见的话，我会改一下发给你。

当然有一些句子写的比较好的，例如第二段和第三段中某些。

此外内容上可能缺乏一点展开，分析略微欠缺一点。
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很抱歉给你那么多批评，但是严格的标准是写好文章的动力。追问

嗯嗯，老师我会给您加分的！能烦请您帮我改改发给我吗？^^
非常感谢！

追答

已经发给你了

Answer 2

1\There is a growing tendency these days that robots become an essential feature in many aspects of daily life.
(become an essential feature修改为act an essential role)feature很不合适。
2\more and more robots will become disadvantage修改为more and more disadvantages will be discovered(become disadvantage成为缺点是不正确的，应该是缺点被最终发现)
3\ invent robot修改为develop robots（机器人已经存在，不需要再发明，所以我们探讨的发展）
4\In the first place, 修改为first of all。（你那表达法不常用或者根本没有这种表达方式）
5、which help people in many areas of life 修改为which will do good for human life。你这句是典型的汉语表达方式，不地道。
6、while there are a lot of advantages on robots中的while修改为though更能表达转折。
7、think science and technology is what life is all about修改为see science and technology as what the life is all about .see as比think is更符合表达。
8、so they tend to 修改为so they become他们不是试图变的不关心，而是自然的变的不关心
9、In other words,修改为second
10、 do anything as the human beings do, 中的anything修改为everything；中的human being修改为people.
11 inventing 修改为developpment
12It is certainly believed tha修改为there is no doubt that
13unpleasant side effects.修改为potential risk

记得给最佳。

Answer 3

我个人觉得直接在百度中英文互换是最简单的 并且很少出错

Answer 4

写的不错。呵呵。顶一个。追问

谢谢老师！！！
可否问问老师，我这篇有什么语法错误吗？