我的英语自我介绍,求英语大神修改下

dear professors,it's a great honor to have the opportunity for the interview. first of all ,please let me introduce myself ,my name is xxx ,i come from xxx province, i graduated from wz medical college , majoring in ophthalmology & optometry. my hobby is ti collect things, like coins, stamps and something made delicate.
i am a very esay-going and responsible boy since the enrollment, i have devoted myself to industrious study aiming to be a qualified doctor , in return , hard-working ended me to be interviewed here .meanwhile i have passed cet 6 ,what's more i also participated in the student union to make my college life more colorful.
during my inernship in affiliated hospital of zhejiang university ,i have learned how to use fundus pre-set lens and slit lamp ,and i've also served as the firt assistant in strabotomy . i know there is still a long way to go before i become a qualified ophthalmologist, that would be main reson why i am eager for further education . i want to enhance my research ability in ophthalmology ,especially in cataract ,so i sincerely hope professors can give me the opportunity to study in zhejiang university . i think postgraduate study can enrich my knwoledeg and establish a solid fundation for my further profession .
that is all about me ,thank you for giving me the opportunity for the interview ! thank you very much !
医学英语大神来!

dear professors,
it's a great honor for me to have the opportunity for the interview. first of all ,please let me introduce myself ,my name is xxx , from xxx province. i graduated from wz medical college (加上时间,如 in 2012) , majoring in ophthalmology & optometry.
i have been an esay-going and responsible student and devoted myself to industrious study aiming to be a qualified doctor, whcich, in return , has brought me to this opportunity of the interview here .meanwhile i have successfully passed the 6th level of China's national English proficiency test (CET 6). What's more, i have also been an active member of the student union that has made my college life more colorful.
during my internship in the affiliated hospital of zhejiang university ,i have learned how to use medical equipment such as fundus pre-set lens and slit lamp ,and i've also served as the first assistant in strabotomy . i know there is still a long way to go before i become a qualified ophthalmologist, which is in fact the main reason for further education . i want to enhance my research ability in ophthalmology ,especially in cataract. so i sincerely hope you could give me the opportunity to study in zhejiang university . i believe postgraduate study will enrich my knowledge and help me establish a solid fundation for my future development .
thank you for giving me the opportunity for the interview ! thank you very much !

建议你重新过一遍,将大小写与标点符号准确无误标出(这一点非常重要。有时候细节决定结果)。如有问题,请提出。

祝你成功!
温馨提示:答案为网友推荐,仅供参考
第1个回答  2013-03-20
Dear professors
It's a great honor for me to have the opportunity for the today's interview. first of all ,please let me introduce myself to everyone ,my name is xxx ,i come from xxx province .Graduated from wz medical college ,and my major is ophthalmology & optometry. my hobby is wide.including collecting coins, stamps and making food.delicious .
I am a very esay-going ,responsible and hardworking boy ,so i have devoted myself to study when I was in university,and my aim is to be a qualified doctor Not only i have passed cet 6,but am i postive in university ,i participated in kinds of the student union to make my college life more colorful.
During I was in affiliated hospital of zhejiang university ,i have learned how to use fundus pre-set lens and slit lamp ,and i've also served as the firt assistant in strabotomy . i know there is a long way to become a qualified ophthalmologist,,but I am sure that I'll be, which push me for the further education . i want to enhance my research ability in ophthalmology ,especially in cataract feild,so i hope professors *** to give me an opportunity to study in zhejiang university . i think postgraduate study can enrich my knwoledeg and establish a solid fundation for my further profession .
That is all about me ,thank you for your coming ! thank you very much
其中还有很多医学名词,你在确定一下,好像又很不对,虽然我也是学医的,挺羡慕你考上研究生了
哥们!!!你确定你应经过六级了?
网上翻译不可信啊
第2个回答  2013-03-20
Respected professors,
It’s my great honor to have the opportunity for the interview.
First of all, please let me introduce myself. My name is xxx from xxx Province. I graduated from WZ Medical College, majoring in ophthalmology & optometry. My hobby is to collect things, such as coins, stamps and other things delicately-made. And I am a very easy-going and responsible boy by nature.
I have been devoting myself to professional study since enrollment, aiming at becoming a qualified doctor. My hard-working gets good pay in return, that’s why I’m here for the interview today. Meanwhile I have passed CET 6 and, as a member of the Student Union, I have been taking part in all activities of it for enrich my college life.
During my internship in the Affiliated Hospital of Zhejiang University, I have physically learned how to use fundus pre-set lens and slit lamp, and have served as the first assistant in some strabotomies. I know there is a long way to go before becoming a qualified ophthalmologist, that’s why I am eager for further education. I want to enhance my research ability in ophthalmology, especially in cataract. Therefore, respected sirs, I sincerely hope you will give me the opportunity to learn from you in Zhejiang University. I think postgraduate study will enrich my knowledge and broaden my vision, as well as lay a solid foundation for my future profession and career.
Thank you very much! Thank you all!
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