(字数超过最大允许值改为图片 文字版的我可以追问提供或通过别的途径提供)
提供详细批改 包括短语用得不对的地方 语法错误 低级错误 更高级的句型 润色的建议 作为高考作文不足之处和优秀文章的差距 谢谢!
文字版的 可以看我的空间http://hi.baidu.com/asl0005/item/1ca2fad56b912238e2108f18 谢谢
As a senior three student, I deeply feel that studies in Senior 3 is(are) not easy—not only should (we)revise all the knowlege(knowledge) you(we) have learned again (and again), but also we should get good grades in the college entrance examination.Under the stress from society, parents and students themselves, (the mentality of the students in Senior 3) becomes a problem. In fact, I think that we students maintain a positive altitude.is a key point on their way to success. Positive mentalitycan help them(us) overcome quite a few difficulties.
Adjusting state of mind is (what) should be done by all the senior three students. I think that we should relax a little in the rest of time while we study deeply into knowledge,for example, it is a good way to go out for a walk,. What’s more, we should not take too much care of grades. We needn’t feel regretful if we have tried our best. The best and happiest thing in senior three comes from struggling and keeping in good spirits, so we should not add too much stress to ourselves.
先改两段。
讲一下:
好的:
有一定的语法功底和词汇功底,尽管语言功底不扎实。
敢于使用复杂句型,尽管有些错误;
不好的:
字数有限制吗?太多了,改卷老师会讨厌的。
人称乱:是you,we,还是they?
基本词汇:比如knowledge写错,还用了复数;
有些句子的主谓不清,意思不清,如Don’t feel regretful if only we try.从句用了我们,而主句又是祈使句(还有if only后还得用虚拟才对的)译文:要是我们试了,(你们)就不感到遗憾。
建议:
不知你这篇文章用了多长时间,有没有查字典。
不用写得过多;(写多则错多呀)
文章用一两个从句,一两个介词结构就行了。不要整篇都用;
注意人称的使用;
注意一个句子中的主干部分,也就是主谓宾;
基本词汇不要出错;
文章超出主题太多。