我为何不开心？By Cary TennisAnnuska/译Dear Cary,I’m not happy and I don’t know why.There’s nothing wrong — in fact, I have everything I ever really thought I wanted — a great job, a wonderful relationship, great friends, financial security, a beautiful house, a place in the community. This even is a big change from even a couple of years ago, when I had a job I hated and was in a terrible relationship. But I’m not happy.I have been thinking about death a lot. Not in a way like I am thinking about killing myself. I want to make that clear. Just in a way like, wondering when I will die. Or how. Or saying goodbye to my boyfriend in the morning and thinking what if something terrible happens and I never see him again? And I think about getting old (I am 34, which some days feels old and other days does not) and how I don’t want to. Or I see someone on the street with one of those signs about supporting three kids and needing a job or some food or some money, God bless, and feeling sad and wondering why there is so much misery in the world and what is the point of it all, and then feeling stupid that I feel unhappy because what in the world do I have to be unhappy about?I’ve tried to do what I can to feel better — exercising every day, eating right, getting out in the sunshine, playing with my dog, taking time off work, seeing friends, doing fun things with my boyfriend, planning trips, gardening and growing things. And I enjoy those things, but I still feel unhappy.I feel like I’m not living up to some undefined potential — undefined because I’m not sure what else it is I want to achieve. I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen, or that there’s something more I should be doing, but I’m not sure what. I feel like my life is going by and I have nothing to show for it.My boyfriend says I need to connect more deeply with my faith. My sister, who is a psychologist, says I am bored and need a new challenge, like moving to a new city. That idea intrigues me, but I’ve been building my career here. I’ve made partner at my law firm and it would be stupid to give it all up and start all over. And what if I’m not happy in the new place, either? My mom says I need to get over myself. They probably all are right but mainly I don’t understand why I’m not happy when I have everything going right in my life, and I don’t know what would make me feel better.Unhappy亲爱的卡里：我不开心，并且没来由。没什么不顺利的事情——事实上，我拥有自己曾经想要的一切——好工作、恋情美满、一些好朋友、经济宽裕、一所漂亮的房子、在社区里拥有一席之地。甚至，就在几年前，我的境遇都大不同，那时候我做着一份讨厌的工作，感情生活也是一团糟。但我现在并不快乐。我一直想着死亡。不是那种想自杀的死亡。我得说清楚这点。就是老想着，比如说我什么时候会死。或者死的方式。或者，比如早上出门的时候和男友说再见，然后想着会不会发生一些灾难，然后我再也见不到他了？还有，我想到逐渐变老（我现在34岁，这个年龄有时候觉得自己老了，有时候又不会），而我很抗拒这点。或者，在街上，我看到一些举着牌子的人，有些说要抚养三个孩子，需要一份工作，有些要一些食物，有些要一些钱，上帝保佑，我感到沮丧和困惑：这个世界为何要有如此多的悲伤？而这一切的意义何在，接着，我感到不开心，觉得自己愚蠢，因为在这个世界上，有什么事情需要我感到不开心呢？我尝试过做那些让自己感觉好一点的事情——每天运动、健康饮食、晒太阳、和狗狗玩、下班休息、和朋友们见见面，和男友做一些好玩的事情、安排旅行、伺弄花园和种植植物。我乐意做这些事情，但我还是不开心。我感到没有完全发挥出某种无可名状的潜力——无可名状，是因为我不确定还有别的东西是自己想要的。我感觉自己期待发生一些事情，或者还有些事情是我应该去做的，但我不肯定那是什么。我感到自己的生命正在流失，而我只有一片荒芜。我男友说我应该和内心信仰加强交流。我有一个姐妹是心理学家，她说我是厌烦了，并且需要新的挑战，如搬去一个新城市。这个念头让我动心，但我已经在此建立了事业。在我的律师事务所，都已经有了搭档，所以，放弃这一切，另起炉灶，就是一件蠢事了。况且，如果在一个新地方，我还是不开心，那该怎么办？妈妈说我得战胜自己。可能他们都是对的，但最主要是我不明白：当生活中，一切顺利的时候，为什么我不开心，而且不知道什么事情能让我感觉好一些。（署名：）不开心的人 Dear Unhappy,Of course it is always a good idea to consult with a therapist or psychiatrist to see if we are exhibiting signs of treatable disorders, such as depression. But it is also worth noting that as we grow spiritually and emotionally we pass through periods of intense speculation about life’s meaning. We think about death. We feel empathy for the poor. We wonder why our system seems to feed injustice and misery. We feel estranged from those around us who seem effortlessly content. People advise us to straighten out, or take a vacation, or deepen our faith, but we don’t really feel like that’s it. Material success may be coming but we feel an inner unease. Our work, though we excel in it, doesn’t make us happy. There seems to be something wrong with the world.There is something wrong with the world. There is a lot wrong with the world. Are you supposed to pretend otherwise?This may be an awakening. It may be an awakening to injustice and evil. It may be the realization that underlying our material prosperity lies a system of war and injustice and mass incarceration. It may be, if you are a lawyer and you go to court, that you see more than the raw machinery of the law: You see human suffering and you see the workings of a system that gives certain people everything and other people nothing. Are you supposed to feel nothing when you encounter the truth of the world? Are you supposed to be able to walk blithely by as beggars rot in their own filth on the roadside, begging for change, and families lose their homes and children sleep in shelters and on the streets? Are you supposed to be immune to this? Is there something wrong with you that you can’t just shake it off?As you grow out of the protected shell of youth and accomplishment, you begin to see the world as it has always been. It is a place of great beauty but also of unimaginable horror and cruelty. If you have not made room for these things yet then eventually the time comes. You feel haunted. The world you thought you had accepted suddenly seems alien and cruel and begins to torment you. What you know about it begins to seep into your consciousness. You begin to really feel what many before you have felt, that we walk on thin ice, that we have our office parties and birthday parties and our fabulous outings over a very thin and brittle skin of collective denial.These things are not your imagination. The world is full of pain. The world you grew up in is beautifully orchestrated to make it possible to ignore the pain at its center. Yet because we are human we sense these things.It is good that you are sensing this. If that is what it is, it is a good thing. You have compassion for the poor. You wonder about the meaning of life. Things don’t seem entirely right to you. There is a gravity outside the edges of the laughter you hear. I get that. It’s a good thing.You may be surrounded by people who don’t hear what you hear and don’t feel what you feel. That can make you feel like you’re the only one, or you’re going a little nuts. They want you to relax and enjoy the party.I say deepen this. Go into it. Go into the true sources of your unease. This is the world speaking to you. The world is full of pain and sadness and it is speaking to you. Accept it.It doesn’t mean you have to become depressed or suicidal. But it does mean, perhaps, that you have some grieving to do. Perhaps you have lost someone dear to you in the past year or two. Perhaps you are seeing life with greater clarity and an open heart. Welcome this sadness. It is OK. Don’t turn away from it. It will only follow you. Welcome it.The right therapist can help you a lot. It will have to be someone special. Get checked out for any organic causes. Take note of any classic symptoms of depression. But if what you have is not a treatable disorder, I think it is probably just the voice of the world, speaking to you of all its sadness. Welcome it into your life.亲爱的不开心：当然，如果出现一些可治愈的（心理）紊乱症状，比如抑郁，去咨询一位治疗师或精神科医生，这一直是一个好主意。但是，也需要注意，当心智和感情成长时，我们会经历不同的阶段，这些阶段会纠结思考生命的意义。我们想到了死亡。我们同情穷人。我们质疑：为什么社会体制看起来豢养着非正义和悲惨。我们感到和周围那些看起来知足常乐的人格格不入。人们建议我们理清头绪，或者去度假，或者加强信仰，但我们真的觉得不是那么回事。可能物质上会成功，但我们内心彷徨。我们的工作，尽管我们做得好，但并没有让我们开心。看起来，这个世界的有些地方错了。这个世界是有些地方错了。这个世界错的可多了。难道你想假装并非如此吗？这可能是一个觉醒。这可能是对非正义和邪恶的觉醒。这可能是意识到了：在物质繁荣的表象下，存在着一个战争、非正义和大规模压制的体制。如果你是一个律师，你去上庭，有可能你看到的事情，超出了干巴巴的法律条文：你看到人们受苦受难，然后看到一个体制的作用：让某些人拥有一切，而另一些人一无所有。当你迎头遇上世界的真相时，应该毫无感觉吗？当乞丐在路边脏兮兮的窝棚里苟延残喘，他们乞讨着零钱；当那些家庭失去家园，孩子们在窝棚里、在大街上睡觉时，你觉得应该无忧无虑地经过他们吗？你想对这些无动于衷吗？你只是无法摆脱这些，难道就觉得自己有毛病了吗？当你逐渐成长，走出了青春和成就的保护壳，开始睁眼看世界——这个世界亘古如此。这世界非常美好，但也有难以想象的恐怖和残酷。如果你对这些没有心理准备，然而，这些时候终究会到来。你感到害怕了。你认为自己原先接受的世界突然看起来陌生、残酷，并且开始折磨你。你对世界的了解开始渗入你的意识。你开始真正感觉到很多以前就感到的事情，那就是我们都如履薄冰：那些同事聚餐、生日宴会、那些妙不可言的远足，它们的基础只是薄薄的、脆弱的一层壳，只是大家不愿意承认罢了。这些事情并非你的想象。这个世界充满痛苦。你成长的环境被安排得美轮美奂，这可能让人忽略了世界的核心是苦难。然而，因为我们是人，所以还是感觉到了。你感受到了，这不错。如果真是如此，这是好事。你同情穷人。你疑惑生命的意义。周遭的事情，在你看来，并非无懈可击。在你听到的笑声外，如悬崖般，还有一个深渊。我是这样理解的。这是一件好事。你周围的人可能没有听到你听到的事情，没有感受到你的感受。这会让你感到只有你如此，或者你有些疯疯癫癫了。他们要你放松，并且享受盛宴。我的意见是继续深入。扎进去。深入到彷徨的真正源头。这是世界正对你说的话。世界充满苦难和悲伤，而它正和你说话。接受吧。这不是说你得变忧郁，或去自杀。但这可能意味着你的心中有些伤痛；或者过去的岁月里，你曾经失去身边亲密的人；或者两者兼而有之。可能你对生活看得越来越清晰，心灵开放了。欢迎这个忧伤吧。没关系的。不要置之不理。它只会跟随着你。欢迎它吧。一位合适的治疗师能帮你的大忙。他必须对症治疗。去检查一下，看看是不是器质上的原因。注意任何典型的抑郁症状。但是假如你并非得了可治愈的（心理）紊乱疾病，我认为可能就是这个世界的声音，它向你诉说一切苦难。那就欢迎它进入你的生活吧。
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